Sitting Still

A few things ran through my head.

I was simultaneously delighted that the parent was excited by what he saw in our program, and horrified that this example is contrary to the philosophy and approach. I normally avoid showing parents through after around 11:30am. We prefer that families see and experience the program in action. This is a visage of individual children using apparatus, small groups of children showing and sharing, and children engaging with educators in a peaceful, yet energetic variety of activity around the classroom. It is a scene of orderly busy-ness.

On this occasion, I had decided to take a father through later than usual. The educators had gathered the group at the end of the 3-hour ‘work cycle’ for some whole group stories and songs as a transition process to the lunch.

The children were, indeed, engaged in the story as one or two helped the other educators prepare the room setting for lunch. The room was in order, everyone was happy and it was a positive presentation of our centre.

And yet, “sitting still” as a measure of a quality of a program can be highly misleading.

For a child aged between three and six years, the ability to sit still in a group and listen to an educator present information, a story or a direction requires a level of self-regulation that is unreasonable to expect in many children. The danger in placing an expectation of ‘sitting still and listening’ on a child who is not yet able to comply, is that of creating negative outcomes.

When children are coerced into behaviours they are not yet ready for, educators and parents resort to strategies that hinder the child’s development. Educators may use behaviour management consequences that have unrecognised side effects. For example:

‘Johnny, if you don’t sit still and listen to this story, you will be sent last to lunch’. This is a threat with several outcomes: Johnny is humiliated in front of his friends. This type of public shaming is common in school and one of the factors that negatively impacts children’s well-being in schooling long term. He gains fear of missing food, and food as a reward is promoted. Fear of missing food and understanding food as a reward may contribute to food issues later in life.

(Stern voice) ‘Janey, this is group time and you need to sit quietly in the circle’. Again, stated publically, even as a reminder, is humiliating. The stern voice carries with it an implied threat – of a consequence or rejection. It places the adult, not as an authority, but as someone to be feared and not trusted. As a contrast, the kind, but firm boundaries and expectations of a Montessori educator grows trust and respect.

‘ Look how well Angelica is sitting! I’ll add a star to her chart.’ Rewards might seem like an innocuous tactic however rewards have their own sting in the tail. Angelica has learned that if she sits still and isn’t noticed, she will be rewarded. I’m not sure that this is the best message for young children. Studies are now emerging confirming Montessori’s approach, showing that external motivators (rewards and punishments) are actually de-motivating. Not just for children, but for adults as well – throughout education, the workforce and business.

It is counter-cultural to operate your service without rewards and punishments, but the value in working towards that is profound. It is one of the hardest things for educators to discard from their practice, as they have likely been raised and educated using rewards, punishments and chastisements.

Montessori quotes about obedience:

Before the child is three he cannot obey unless the order he receives corresponds with one of his vital urges. – The Absorbent Mind

In order to obey one must not only to wish but also be able to obey. To carry out an order one must already possess some degree of maturity and a measure of the special skill that it many need.  Hence we first have to know whether the child’s obedience is practically possible at the level of development the child has reached…If the child is not yet master of his actions, if he cannot obey even his own will, so much the less can he obey the will of someone else. – The Absorbent Mind.

A period when the child can always obey, when there are no obstacles deriving from his lack of control. His powers are now consolidated and can be directed not only by his own will, but by the will of another. The child can absorb another person’s wishes and express them in his own behaviour. – The Absorbent Mind.

He obeys with astonishing readiness, and seems anxious to do so. – The Absorbent Mind.